You don't own me
by SpiritFlame49
Summary: The nights are bad enough. Relentlessly. Another day. How would do you endure it? No free heart, but a brace from longing, pain, and sadness connected. The heart and the soul are caught in a cold cage whose bars you can not break it. Because you are only weak, tired and powerless...Will there ever be a salvation?
1. Chapter 1

Raphael was pissed off. Since it was allegedly his fault of falling plans from his leader. The team of four mutated reptiles wanted to stop the Purple Dragon gang when the bad guys were stealing some precious artifacts from a jewel store. Leonardo planned a new strategy for this kind of situation. But instead of listening to him, the red-masked turtle interrupted and jump directly into a fight. Raphael never listening to him and he would never do it for the rest of his life.

But the worst was; During the attack he also had not his attention to his two youngest brothers. One of the Purple Dragons hurt Michelangelo badly with a sharp weapon in his shell and on the left shoulder. They could escape but it was a huge torment for the youngest. The wound let felt him pain and he lost lot of blood.

Donatello was checking on him in the lab. The wounded turtle laid on a table, protected by his genius brother. The upper body was wrapped with bandage.

 _"He will feel better soon_ , promised Don, _he only need some rest now."_

But that not change Leonardos annoyance. The leader walked even with furious feelings back to the lair. It was the fault of his brother´s temper.

He was not able to listen to his orders, he had just ruined the whole plan and also the day.

"What is wrong with you? Why can you not listen to my orders? Look what you had done! Because of you, Mikey got hurt!", Leo swore with anger.

He was standing in front of Raphael in the living room, both fists were clutched into balls.

"Ohh..That is what you are thinking? Even if I would listen to your damn orders, everyone of us could get hurt!", Raph yelled.

His green-emerald eyes were glowing with anger. He had no desire to waste the time with useless argument.

"Oh really? To jump into a fight like this brings nothing! NOTHING! Did you hear me?!", Leo shout out loudly, Mikey was seriously injured, he could have die! Why can´t you take care? Not always beeing so selfish?!"

Raphael clenched his fists tighter and grunted loudly.

"If you would take care then nothing of this shit would have happened! And you´re not my boss! You can´t give some stupid strategy like this! I can only give a fuck on your dammit words!"

"I never said I'm your boss, but I'm your leader! Why-"

"Who the hell cares?! What is the difference? I care less about this!", Raph said rough.

"Cause you're jealous? Because you was not pick for this important role?!"

"IMPORTANT ROLE?! FUCK IT, LEO!, the hothead cried frantic, I give a fuck about you beeing the favourite son, the favourite student and Splinter's beloved ass-kisser!"

Leonardo huffed annyoed at him. That wasn't the first time their were fighting about this. But for this time now, everything wents to blowing up with hate. He was seeing red like a great explosion of rage was growing inside of him.

However their came more heart-breaking words.

"I have enough of you!, Raph was blurring with rage, I don't need you as my brother! I don´t need you in my whole fucking life! I HATE YOU, LEONARDO!"

The oldest was just standing there. He said nothing. If Raph would have looked more closely, this ocean-blue eyes were mixed with sad and frustrated feelings. The hothead did not care. He was not in the mood to longer see in his face. He also not want to see anyone else here. Fast, the red-masked turtle turned around and trudged to his room.

Once he was there, he shut the door violent behind him and sank to the ground.

His knees were close to his plastron and his face buried in his hands.

The room was shrouded in pure darkness, the light was off.

Some little tears were falling from his eyes. They were glowing like fire in the obscurity.

The second eldest was not only upset with someone around here...

The most terrible was...

He hated himself...

* * *

Thanks for reading!

And sorry for grammar mistakes! I try my best! ^^

And a big thank-you for my friend for helping me :)


	2. Chapter 2

" _Look what you had done. No ones needs you here. Not your brothers and not your sensei. You´re the reason why always someone gets hurt. Can´t you feel it? No, because you have no emotion for any one You´re useless."_

Raphael woke up with sweat on his forehead.

"That must be just an illusion again or only a stupid nightmare.",he thought.

" _No, you´re an illusion. Look! No matter what, you hurt your brothers!"_

He heard the deep voice again in his head.

" _You are absolutely right! You don´t need Leonardo because he is not worth being your older brother! He don´t need to waste his precious life time with your annoying yelling!"_

"Stop it!", Raphael pleased, he was struggeling with himself.

" _Why? It is the truth! You are useless!"_

"Shut up!"

Raph sighed heavy. The voice was spinning in his minds for weeks.

Yes, it was true. His emotions are lost. Long ago he felt useless, not beeing worth for anything, felt not to be accepted. Raphael started to have depression. It was his own dark hell. The red-masked hothead had no idea how to talk with somebody around here. He hated himself and this world. This stupid little world which presented itself as a dark strain.

" _Do what you want. Your life have no sense anymore. Or has it ever made sense?"_

Raphael felt like someone would cut his throat, like he can´t catch breath.

" _Especially you don´t need would he need YOU? He is perfect and always will be. The favourite, beloved by his sensei and two brothers. There can´t be place for a fourth one!"_

That cruel words was enough for him. Raph got up from the bed and took one of his sais. He touched the big sharf weapon with his fingers. He starred in the darkness. Raphael thought exactly about one thing but he has never done it.

" _I don´t need you as my brother"_

He remembered about the awfully words.

" _I don´t need you in my whole fucking life! I HATE YOU LEONARDO!"_

The heart of the red-masked turtle shattered with cold. It wasn´t true. He did not really hate him. The second oldest had no control over himself. The truth was...he always wanted to be like Leonardo. Both of them spent time together when their were little turtle tots. Leo and Raph were best friends and closer to each other than Donatello and Michelangelo it were. The oldest brothers played, laughed and cuddled together. They never left the other one. So Raph always hold his only older brother tight to him when he was going to leave. But the time went by, they were grown up to become ninjas and everything changed. Sensei choosed Leonardo for beeing the leader. He became the great student and perfect leader. And Raphael? He was only the little brother with annoying temper. He wanted to be the leader of the team because he was also the one with the powerful strength and beat all of his brothers in training. Raphael went fury when Splinter prefer the blue-banded turtle. And now they were broken apart. Each talk ended up in a fight. And the last argument destroyed all. Is their to much darkness in his heart? Like the world stop rotating. The dark-green turtle was not even able to talk with his two youngest brothers. Now they will assuredly hate him, notably Michelangelo. He never wanted to let his baby brother to feel pain because he should be the one who got attack. „Will I be ever able to forgive myself?"

" _You stubborn person. Do it! You deserve it!"_

The depressed turtle touched once again the sharp blade. At first he felt pain when his sai was touching his skin. But he enjoyed it. The one and truly pain was inside of his broken soul.

Blood flew from the deep wound on his wrist to all over his arm, dropping to the ground.

" _This blood is not even worth to flow inside of your own ugly body!"_

The voice was right. Raphael was lost in a cold cage without happiness.

And their was no one who could ever help him.


End file.
